Date:	2008-03-12 02:34
Subject:	HK Update 1
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

So, I'm here in HK. Today is work day 3 and... You guessed it - I'm a little bored.

I fear this won't be the typical ramp-up boredom during which you just "learn" and then will be required to produce something amazing. I fear it'll just be more of the same as there isn't much to learn - as they don't expect me to learn about 100s of applications that will be moving... They just want me to coordinate the work of others.

I could have phoned this one in with miniml visits here. Oh well. I am, however, using this as a stepping stone onto other ventures international and spent some time bad-mouthing my company to some bigwigs at the parent company - mind you it was because I was asked to respond to a specific question regarding the "real deal" on my co. :-)

And suddenly I have a 1:1 dinner with the asker of that question tonight. We'll see.

Hopefully I'll do some exploring this weekend and have some fun.

Um... is it just me... or is the media showdown between schmuck-ass and Ahmadinejad cold war-esque...

And now we're testing anti-missile systems that could defend against Iran...

What?

Is no one using the C-word anymore? I mean, I love that word!

D'oh, I'm talking about Cold War... as a single-concept/word... ;-)

Anyway... WTF

Date:	2007-10-10 11:54
Subject:	SpanItalGuy-ology
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	Rhianna - Umbrella

Let others know a little more about yourself, repost this as your name followed by "ology."

MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Parmesan Peppercorn

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Wendy's for a burger or KFC when I have a hankering for the Colonel's recipe... but that hasn't been in a few years... :-)

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. This is difficult... But I always think fondly of The Oak Room (Boston)

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 15-20%, usually determined by whether the client or I am paying... unless the service is off-the-chart one way or the other...

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A: Vanilla Ice Cream - though my body might punish me terribly...

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. The Meat Master!

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A: Butter

TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A: Laptop - none; Desktop - The Fantanas (it's uber-camp)

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A: One in the NY studio apartment and 2 in my condo in MA

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Right

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Not that I'd reveal here... ok... a fetus... there!

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. Many years ago as a teen. Only had the 1

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. Lift? I guess this table at a friend's house. It wasn't heavy, per se, but cumbersome.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. No.

BULLSHITTOLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. I believe I already know it - well not the day, per se, but the situations that will need to have been realized before it can happen

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. I can change it... but I think I'll just keep it. I might make it what I already go by...

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Olive

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. Probably.

Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
A. Probably

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Not to my knowledge

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Yes.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. Hm. It would depend on just how much of it was to be cut off and if I really needed or wanted the $200k

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Sure

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Sure

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. No

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. Hmm...

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: Credit and other card holder

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. Um... I don't know it.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: Carpet in my condo - by choice - covering cement. Semi-wood in the NYC apartment with an area rug

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: Stand... what?

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: No. Not since college could I do that. I could live with someone if I were in a relationship again...

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: 1 pair.

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: I've been sworn to never speak of it

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: Taller.

Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8?
A: Heck, Franck.

LASTOLOGY

Q: Friend you talked to?
A: Pablo

Q: Last person who called you?
A: Pablo

Q: Person you hugged?
A: Pablo

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 7

Q: Season?
A: Fall aka The Season of the Dying...

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: Franck

Q: Mood?
A: Content for the most part... but struggling with a minor gas upsurge... tee-hee

Q: Listening to?
A: Rhianna - Umbrella (still it's only playing in my head) and some random international-sounding folks in this office... I hate cubes!

Q: Watching?
A: LJ, I suppose.

Q: Worrying about?
A: Nothing. I'm actually not worrying about anything... That's nice I guess. :-)

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: To the bathroom at 4am - fucking jet lag... or sleeping with someone in a not-so-comfortable bed...

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Find and declare, "the one."

Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: Saw 3 in French with Franck. It's a good thing I had seen it before because French is hard to understand in that crazy voice there...

Q: Do you smile often?
A: Yes.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: For the most part... With the people I know, yes. With random strangers... depends on my mood. Do I go out of my way to be a dick? No.

Date:	2007-09-24 14:36
Subject:	I know what it is now...!
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm

So... my doctor's office tried calling me 20 times today. It didn't help that Vonage was fucking up the auto-forward/simultaneous cell phone ring feature so that every time I answered, I couldn't hear...

Anyway, they were calling because my visit to them last week and the resulting sample I was asked to give them (read: THE absolutely most disturbing, disgusting experience through which I've had to live) provided them insight into the fact that I have some... CAMPYLOBACTER JEJUNI

Google it, read... ick. It's due to the not-quite-completely cooked chicken that I was given in Greece. Apparently the little bite I took prior to realizing that it wasn't fully cooked was enough to contract a little fun for the trip...

And since fever can be associated with it... THAT is why I'm still not feeling super. But I have medicine coming shortly so, yipee... It'll be nice to be over this retardedness...

Though, I'm also happy to say that I'm looking pretty and much thinner these days... It's awesome what a couple weeks of semi-constant diarrhea will grant you. :-)

Anyway, I'm at work today coughing a little less and anticipating some racquetball play with midcent so I've got another 3 hours and then that'll start...

Anyway, I spent a good portion of yesterday with Bob, Franck's friend/exchange student "brother" and it was great fun. We decided to see Alter Boyz and neither of us was completely aware of what it was about - at least I wasn't and I didn't go looking it up as I find I enjoy things a lot more w/o expectations - and it was absolutely hysterical. Bob brought over this gift he got for Franck's mother and I'm going to play courrier when I go to France next weekend.

I'm so shocked it's next weekend already. It feels like it hasn't been any time at all... and I'm so looking forward to seeing... mon amie encore et puis je peux apprendre si nous nous voulons toujours...

Le sigh... :-)

Oh, so I did 25 push ups yesterday, and 30 today. I'm going to try, but I cannot promise - clearly, to continue to do push-ups daily... and perhaps even start daily crunching again... but baby steps...

A bientot...

A note on the "current music." I'm actually not listening to anything - but this song is in my head. :)

... I'm somewhat pensive this evening/morning at 1:38am...

First: I'm sick. I've had a slight fever, incessant coughing (worse than any of you who know me have ever heard) and continual diarrhea. That's right, I went there!

As such, I was bored tonight. I was on the phone with this guy who I went on a date with 6 months ago. He's somewhat intriguing and definitely a "fixer upper." So I was sane enough to know then (and now) that he was not the choice for me... He's seriously fucked up and while I won't presume to know enough to actually diagnose him, he seems to have narcissistic tendencies and always has stories of his semi-rock star life (he's got a band) and how tumultuous his life has been to date (he's almost 32) because of a break up he had ~2 years ago...

Now, I haven't opened the can of whoop ass that is, "you don't know about tumult you dolt" and then enumerate a kind of tumult to put him in a place with some perspective...

But as I said, I was bored and had some time to kill so we were on the phone for 3.5+ hours and so he rambled on a bit, I listened to music, started singing - it was surreal. He was going through his stories again and got semi-emotional at the same spots he'd done in the past and so I finally said, "it seems like all of these stories all of the time are meant to elicit some sort of sympathy or adoration or an acknowledgment of some credit.. but why do you want that? why should you get it?" He seemed to be taken back by this and then professed his love for me as I was the most brilliant person he knows...

While probably true, I still threw up in my mouth and was just done with his BS... but he lingered on for another 1/2 hour and then decided he was to go to bed... I had stopped listening to him as much as I was earlier...

Then, some 30-45 minutes after I hung up with him, I got an (apparently - as I learned this 10 texts into it) drunk text from this other guy I dates years ago who is STILL NOT OVER me... Yet he continues to only text me when he's drunk-ish. I told him I was sick and he should come by and entertain me... and that's when he told me he was too drunk to drive... It's 2:32 and he's still texting me. The drunk-dial conversation one text at a time is... dull... but I'm not yet tired and I'm sweating out my fucking minor-ass fucking fever... I might as well have something to entertain me...

He just told me that I'm afraid to have a relationship because I'm always traveling (for work). Um... no, I'm just always traveling for work and I don't happen to be in a relationship. I texted back, No. I just need a relationship with someone who gets me, wants me, loves me and is secure.

And that made me pause... and while I just banged it out quickly in response to his "afraid" comment... I think that what I typed is indeed the crux of what I want without making a huge-ass laundry list... because of course I want him to be intelligent and hot... or better, I conversely want to understand, want and love the guy who feels that way about me.

And... since I'm on the topic, I'm thinking about Franck and know that I understand him pretty well for only having known him a week-ish (and realize there's much more to know - and I want to know him) and I know I want him (desire him) and... there's a distinct possibility, but I'm loathe to admit such things... so we'll just stop there...

--- OK, the fucking constant buzzing of my phone in response to these texts from my digital-stalker is beginning to annoy me while I'm trying to think about Franck --- :-)

So since I started thinking about Franck and since I have to burn 2 copies of the DVD of the photos I took, I started looking at the photos I have of him (and some with me) and I feel the feelings I had when I was with him. I need only look at him - or just the image of him - and it's back... Ugh.

I know I will have an answer, of sorts, to what's going on by Columbus Day. I'm going to France to see Franck. He's already given me an email restating something he said to me in person already - that he's just out of a 7-year relationship and that he enjoyed the trip and meeting me but that he wasn't ready for anything, etc. And I am fully aware of that and agree and I've been thinking about it myself. I don't want to be the schmuck that is his rebound guy. I don't want to be the guy in the US pining over some guy in France.

For the curious, I've posted a photo of him on my site. I can't wait and a piece of me dreads it... <snip> I just started typing like a crazy-person and I'm getting way ahead of myself...

Anyway... I go.

I just saw a funny Saturday night live (because it was a best-of) and that inspired the title...

( The update... )

Date:	2007-08-24 16:04
Subject:	So much randomness, so little time... ;-)
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	February Song - Josh Groban

Ok. So I hear that my current/former client is all but confirmed that I'll be continuing with them...

The key, utterly annoying, bit of that is that it is as yet unconfirmed. The problem with that is that it technically prevents me from doing any future planning (extending the apartment lease which ends Wednesday, etc.) and will set up some annoying hassles with which I'll have to deal... but whatever...

I've decided that I'm going to treat myself (for the birthday) to a cruise. I'm (most likely) going to be going to Athens on 9/1 and then taking the cruise from there to Venice and then returning to Boston in 9/11 so I can do jury duty on 9/12. With any luck, I WILL be selected to serve... Some of you might think me insane but I believe I'll absolutely enjoy the process... as long as I get on a case that's juicy.

I should have the details confirmed by Monday - whether I'm on the cruise and the client or not... I'm excited. I'm not even all that bothered by the fact that as a single, I'll be randomly paired up in a room with someone with "smoking status" as the only variable of commonality.

( Ok, the update... )

Date:	2007-08-23 15:01
Subject:	Randomness, an update, etc...
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	http://www.justjessemegamix.com/ - Just Jesse Megamix (Debut) Podcast 001

So, having the week off can make one really get back into LJ! :-)

I'll be playing racquetball with midcenttoday at the Y so I'll be hitting today's exercise quota which is nice...

But I get ahead of myself...

( More... for the bored... )

I was contemplating not bothering... :-)

( For the terribly bored.... )

So, I've decided to try and have this be a daily post so that by keeping others informed, perhaps it'll help to reinforce my will and drive discipline... (or something)

( Read further... on progress )

( Read further... on randomness )

Date:	2007-08-20 16:06
Subject:	To will discipline...
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

For those who don't know me well, it's safe to say that I am strong-willed. :-)

Regarding discipline, however, I don't know that I can say that I am disciplined. j_lovescoffee and I had this discussion, once briefly, a while ago and we ended up leaving the distinction (as I recall anyway) that discipline is something that can be demonstrated over the long-term while achieving some goal in the short-term might be done through the force of will.

I would think, however, that there's a link. One can join the army (or whatever) to get discipline but if one doesn't stick to it, or just quits or whatever, that won't quite work. The will to keep with something must be required in order to convert (?) it into discipline or habit at least...

What am I going on about?
Like every (ok, only most) gay boy's dream it'd be a wonderful self-gift to have visible, defined, sexy, man-attracting abs.

I heard from my doctor who did a body fat test that I'm at 15% - which is pretty awesome given I thought it'd be higher, but it isn't so, yay.

This means that if I were to lose 10lbs of fat, I think I'd achieve my goal.

That also means, that my favorite things (bread, ice cream) would need to go and I'd have to get off my ass and be a bit more active...

Actually, being in NYC has been a great thing since the ~15min walk to/from work has started to grant me definition in places where I don't really do anything (more cuts on my arms)

So... on the one hand I'd love them abs, and on the other, I love Cold Stone...

I guess it's first a matter of deciding, really, just how important it is to lose the poundage and then making it so...

Perhaps I'm being existential b/c I'll be 33 in a week... Or perhaps it's because I have a day (possibly the week) off and I'm bored...

One can never tell with me...

Date:	2007-08-07 14:47
Subject:	Simply amazing...
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained

It's amazing the power I apparently command...

Now if only I could channel it with some control...

While the following won't be certain until tomorrow morning, unless the sales god Bob (that is his name) can undo it:

In an effort to control expenses (to hit a number expected by the street) all projects that don't have a direct impact on Q3 & Q4 are being canceled.

That would include us. And while we do have indirect impact on the expenses this quarter, it becomes clearly direct impact for next year's potential ability to deliver on promises that would enable revenues...

So, per usual, the public company is making decisions to try and influence the short-term while sabotaging their future...

So sad... Do I care?

Eh... Not completely, though I was getting used to the NYC apartment and life here...

Who knows... I might have another project in NYC or Bob may work his magicks...

Date:	2007-08-06 16:34
Subject:	Update...
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed
Music:	Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie

Ok. So I've clearly come to a point on this project where, I no longer care.

I've even updated my resume.

For those of you who don't know me, I like work and working. I'm a management consultant and I can consult the fuck out of any of you... and I'm not just patting myself on the back :)

Seriously, I have specialties and proven experience in business process redesign, customer relationship management and project management of all kinds of projects (biz & tech).

So why am I annoyed? Retarded politics which has resulted in a dumb org structure for the project team in which I report directly to 1 partner, we'll call D, on an activity and up through a different partner, we'll call J,(ultimately to the same D guy) on another bit. And it's dumb. And I'm only a little miffed because it should be me... but when I get over that...

I've already gotten bored of bitching about it. I've been doing partner-level work for the last 3 years, generated $9M in the last 3 years, don't get paid for generating that business and it's about fucking time that they do.

Top that off with a recent purchase of my company by some big worldwide company (no idea if this will be good for me or not) and I'm so ready for a different job...

I do, however, realize the grass is greener... so I'm not making any moves any time soon, unless some company somewhere decides they want to shower me in riches and grant me absolute power...

It's not like I could become more corrupt... :D

Date:	2007-07-14 01:08
Subject:	Ages...
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

It's been ages since I've posted.

I'm actually about to go to bed right now, but thought of LJ, pondered a read and a trip to the UK to see some friends before they throw themselves further toward the middle of America... *sniff*

Alas, getting vacation on such short notice, while not impossible for me, is a bit improbable unless I wanted to make a federal case of it. And I'd rather make a case for a partner promotion. :)

That said, I'll settle for a free trip to middle America, courtesy of my client... Gotta love consulting...

Random question:
On a first date, imagine the other person said stuff like:
- I like you a lot.
- Would you want to date?
- You're dangerous - which means I could let my guard down around you.

Would that:
a) send you running?
b) make you curious?
c) something else...

Ok... so I have upgraded my previous opinion of the colleague who was brought in to "own" stuff that I essentially do.

While that has not changed and the reasoning is still about grey-hair (which, btw, continues to be annoying) my opinion of him and his potential value has changed.

He produced good versions of things without my input and when we met to talk about them I saw this. When I actually paid attention to the content I saw that I agreed with most of what he did so that was good too...

BUT, even more importantly, I discovered today one of my consulting class skills or feats around finding random supplies and such and I mentioned this to him.

The conversation went:

Me: (returning rather triumphantly with a power supply cord and extra electric hole punch machine) I must have magic.

Colleague: (turning to marvel at my musing) Hm?

Me: I seem to have a knack at finding whatever it is that I happen to need at any given time. It's like magic.

C: You must be a diviner.

I resisted the temptation to launch into the d20 math that would be involved, etc.

The fact that he's got content and isn't incompetent is great, but the essentially-unprompted divination reference was just awesome. :-)

(someone is apparently WAY too excited for a little game later today)

That's right folks... it has dropped...

So I'm on this project - which should prove to be great experience and a giant resume boost for an already impressive resume -- other people's words that I'm more than happy to quote.

So... the shoe:
There's a partner who is responsible for delivery and he's involved with this account. I haven't really worked with this guy but I did have 1 prior experience with him from my last project.
From that interaction I took that he was extremely detail oriented, a micro-manager, and extremely anal/nit-picky. And that was after my famous 1-minute assessment.

So he's somewhat day-to-day on this project and my assessment is more than accurate - it is painfully accurate.

Gripe #1
I have a pretty status template that is custom and not exactly PowerPoint friendly. He made a comment about the sub-bullets and wanting the icon to be different. I told him it would require manually editing them all because of the non-standard/non-friendly nature of the template and he seemed to not buy into that reasoning.

The next day he sends me an updated template - he had changed the sub-bullets, and said that the one he edited should be used in the future.

Immediately, I was angry and once again if I had a supreme command of hellfire, someone would have died. However, I took a look at the template and did a quick test to see if I could cut/paste the new bullets with little effort. The answer was no. (I knew this, but wanted to verify.)

I told him this. I also told him in an email with semi-polite business parlance that it was a waste of time. I then said, less politely, that if it was important that this other colleague of mine (the supposed head of the work I'm doing -- only because he's got grey hair) could do it while I did the heavy thought-provoking work.

He wrote back saying that it wasn't important.

Gripe #2
So... there's a fat, FAT, grey-haired/balding guy who's "the head" of this Project Management Office. I was told I'd be the head. So I'm annoyed/pissed. This is not to say that I'm a prima dona who cannot work for/take direction from other people... It's just that I can only take direction from someone who impresses me.

The partner to whom I report impresses me. Some others do as well. This nit-picky partner and the fat-balding slow-talking moron do not impress me.

Anyway, I'm hearing the nit-picky partner's voice and I'm thinking, time to leave... I mean, it is 7pm... UGH!

(which is: I work again for the linguistically challenged)

I'm so excited to be working again. It's brought enough productivity back into my life so that, I can take a moment to procrastinate... Yay. :)

And what's better is that it's not a bank - so I have unlimited unrestricted network access. It's awesome. The colleague I have is good too. He hasn't annoyed me yet (and it's been 1.5 days) and trust me - I'd know by now... and he actually got mildly annoyed at something that would mildly annoy me... yay!

The project is also looking to be awesome as well as it will, most likely, give me the experience of having been a major contributor in the setup of a middle market insurance brokering firm.

Now, if I can just get them to drop the business formal dress, we'll be a'ight

Ciao...

Date:	2007-01-03 02:29
Subject:	Sweet, sweet nectar of the gods!
Security:	Public
Mood:	distressed

(I bet some of you were afraid what this post might be about... )

Anyway, I have this penchant, desire, ok - insane love for Egg Nog.

And I have discovered something so lovely... magical even...

Hood Vanilla Egg Nog.

I don't know why, but it's so fucking awesome I cannot describe it.

Good, good, good...

I bought 4 quarts of it the other day (count, 4 days ago) and they're gone.... and worse, they're gone from shelves...

I'm distraught.

I can't go on.

Oh if you'd seen me savoring it... taking small sips because the perfect aftertaste was the kicker that followed it and just made it all the more enticing...

sex? blah!

give me more of that nectar!

Please, start a letter-writing campaign to make it a year-round drink... :)

Date:	2006-11-21 12:43
Subject:	On love... with or without condition...
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad

To those of you who know me well, brace...

Over the past few years I've been getting more and more in touch with my emotions and feeling the interim feelings between an event that would evoke a reaction and the feeling's transition to anger - at least, for those things that would eventually lead to anger... I don't actually get angry when something happens that would normally get happiness as a reaction... ;-)

Anyway, I have learned to pause, just long enough, to get the sensations of the interim emotions like sadness and such... and these plague me at all sorts of times - usually when watching tv or listening to evocative music.

** break **

I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to write or why and I don't do well with - what has always felt like looking for pity - but I'm a little sad... or a lot, I'm not yet sure. I know holidays are a trigger and it's not depression in any clinical sense and doesn't require any medication... but I've endured too much over the years and I think that the energy I once had to effortlessly craft defenses are no longer so effortless. Or perhaps, like rabbits, suppressed memories and emotions multiply...

** unbreak **

Anyway, I was watching "Brothers & Sisters" (a great show by the way - funny and dramatic and who doesn't like Sally?) and perhaps the problem was that I watched 4-6 episodes in a row (catching up via my TiVo while doing some work for an asshole - but I won't get into that, now - and it pulled on me more times than I would have expected. Sure, a sweet moment will tug on me but usually nothing's visible... but watching the greatly-acted moments of love and compassion between the family members (who are not without dysfunction) made me sadder than I have openly embraced in... well probably ever.

It occurred to me, as I watched this family express all kinds of different unconditional love from all kinds of directions (brother to sister, to mother, etc.) and I noted to myself that, right now at least, there is no one that unconditionally loves me. And further, I wonder if there'd be any way in which I could unconditionally love someone. I like the idea of it and welcome the chance as being "swept up" in something but I doubt it could ever happen given my wiring and childhood "nurturing."

I do, however, welcome the chance at being wrong on this... and I'd rather not wait 5 years per j_lovescoffee's prediction for me at 37...

Date:	2006-08-27 23:20
Subject:	Imagine a sword...
Security:	Public
Mood:	uncomfortable

...that has been stuck into you at about your kidney area and then pushed through your internal organs such that it comes out on either side of your groin.

Now you've somehow managed it so that this sword hasn't killed you but when you walk (or move, breathe, whatever), the movements of your body cause the sword to move and further cut away at the things inside...

THAT... is exactly the pain with which I am "gifted" to live with much of the time. Of course, it's because this apparent sword (aka: kidney stone) must be sharp and each movement is indeed, causing it to rip a little at something somewhere...

And I ask... what the fuck for?

What purpose do these stones, and their inevitable expulsion, serve and why would the body be doing this?

Anyone?

You'd think I was in my seventies or something...